Hey Guys - I know this was discussed a long time ago but am keen to hear what all the current members have to say on the matter.

So, I have a crush on a guy. Normally not a big deal at 22, but like everything else. this illness changes all the rules when it comes to relationships. This guy knows I am sick (he has been my lab partner at uni this semester and after nearly passing out from a hypo I had to fess up!) but doesn’t know all the gorry details. He actually graduates at the end of this year, and I have decided that I can’t seek out keeping in touch, even though I just feel GOOD when I am with him - something that, lets face it, doesn’t come often enough.

I made a promise to myself some time ago to not date while I was sick. It started out, to be honest, as a way to console myself about my chronically single state, but unfortunately I have realised there is real wisdom to it. The kind of guy I want to be with deserves more than I can give.

This promise has put me in a kind of unusual position. Through high school, I was too focused on school and everything else to date, and then got sick not long after that. So I have NEVER dated - unless you count one movie with a boy in Year 7. I have never even kissed anyone, let alone had sex. How do you tell someone that without freaking the hell out of them!

I have also been somewhat burned by guys in the past. My dad was not exactly an ideal example of manhood - he left my mum for another woman. And the closest I have come to a relationship was with my best friend in high school, who told me he was in love with me just after we finished school, the proceeeded to take it back and screw everything that moved at uni.

So all in all this crush is freaking me out. I suppose it might be a good sign that I have then evergy to have these kind of feeling for someone, but it is so depressing that I don’t have the ability to act on them - just something else this illness has taken away. And what will happen when I get better and do enter this world of dating as a child in a woman’s body? Wow, this has all been really personal - I love being able to say stuff here I would never say to anyone’s face. I tried to talk to mum about this but she doesn’t really get it - she started dating dad at 15, was married at 20 and hasn’t dated since their divorce. And I don’t think she really wants to think of me as a woman in that way - definately the head in the sand type of parent when it comes to these things.

So, have any of you dated while sick - or, like me, decided not to?

I totally understand where you’re coming from Kat. I’m in the same boat as you - never been kissed, never had sex, never dated except for the one time I went to a movie with a boy in year 7 and we held hands. Hot stuff!

It sucks because on the one hand I don’t want to date random guys because it’s just a waste of energy and would just get me anxious for nothing, but if there was a guy I really liked it’s like what is the point in starting something, after all he would never understand how sick I was until we’d been together for a while, by which time I know I’d be attached, and by which time he will realise I can’t be the kind of girlfriend a young guy wants. Or old guy for that matter! My dad isn’t the best role model either, won’t go into details on myspace, but suffice to say I do not trust men.

I know this sounds weird, but 5-6 years ago, back in high school, by some strange stroke of luck, fate, fortune what have you - I met this guy online. We’ve always been really close and (as much as I hate to admit I’m not a robot woman who hates all men) I’ve always been smitten with him. He’s just a really good person, and in a weird way he’s got to see the sick me, since when I’m bed ridden and lonely I’ll get online. He’s seen me pale, weepy, angry, bitter, feeling hopeless and alone. And because it’s easier to talk about uncomfortable things online, he knows about my doctors and treatments and how hard I work to keep up with uni work. Even my best friends don’t know that stuff. To make it even weirder, besides my mum, he is the only person who tells me I’m strong and brave, and that I make a difference in the world just by being alive, and that I’m loved - just for being who I am, sick and all. It’s scary how much I need to hear that. Honestly, if I was cured tomorrow I’d be on a plane to where he is. But I wouldn’t be able to get a DSP there, I’d be so far away from my doctors and family. Not to mention I don’t think I’ll find another uni that’s so supportive. And at the end of the day, I would feel like I was robbing him of having a girlfriend who could be everything he wanted. What if I never get better? I’ll never have a meaningful career, be able to have and raise children, never be able to support myself financially and my medical bills will pile up, only to die of lymphoma at an early age. Who would want to be shackled to that?

Having said all this, one of my best friends (in real life) has CFS, at the moment she’s slightly more functional than me (i can only do part time uni, she can do full time uni! she works so hard!) and she is in a serious relationship with a guy. They’re in love and talking about engagement once she’s finished her uni degree and he can afford a fancy ring lol. And he’s a really sweet guy and even though no relationship is totally smooth sailing, he’s good to her and looks after her. So they give me hope that the rest of us can find someone who will accept us the way we are and love us enough to stick by us through all the ups and downs of CFS!

Kat if I was in your situation, it would be a question of how much I liked the guy, is he worth the risk? If he already knows you’re sick, maybe he will be fine with you having CFS! I think it’s awesome you feel better when you’re with him :) I think love is so healing, maybe he could be really good for you! Let us know what happens! I love a good romance story :D Good luck! Follow your heart!

♥ Rach