For many of you that know me... or once knew me... Know I have had a troubled past to say the least... Needeless to say i found myself almost at the end of my own insanity... Beyond that... i’m a hard head who pushes him beyond his limitations and achives the so called imposible out of mear pure will and raw hard ass determenation... now I was headed heh... a turrent of self destruction...

AS of lately thats all there was a in my life get up go tow ork train my body focus my mind... but i saught to look back upon my years... and that was my immediate goal to understand who iw as so i can take the choices i’ve made understand them and finnaly begin to come to terms with the multicopable faucets of those lives i’ve touched. what i’ve created and each shard of my owne existance i’ve left behind time and time again within my existance... I found that answer in the most odd way... I’d finnaly been givin the chance to take a much needed break from the world visit old friends and enjoy the ties i’d created and see what they had made within their lives... and rescue my best friend of all my long existance... as his wife was leaving him... So my vacation came a bit early Ehh big whoop no biggie i finnaly got my money from the va... about 3 k had about 1600 left over...

Quite frankly I was died... Four days of two hours of sleep... driving on I 40 somwhere in tennesse... my manager and i were seeming to have this compition before i left of how long our bodies could hold out while the insanity of work seemed to drive us out of our god damn minds... IT wasn’t sleep or lack of that made me flip my car... it was simething so simple as a frickind deer jumping out infront of my car going 75mph at 6 am on a two lane high way... I managed to get intot he grass avoid it.. got back on the road and my lovely nice gripping goodyear tires flung my across the road... when they got traction swerved again avoided missing a parked semi (which by the way odd enough that i was passing a small trucking pull over area that was only maybe... 200 yards long... I remember seeing the black of the truck before cut my wheel hard sweved avoiding him by inches... backa cross the road where i did a 980 and finnnaly got stoped dead by a six foot ditch which flipped me on my roof... Now what i remember... and what they say what happened were two diffrent things... I saw everything... the peoples lives i’d touched over my existance... the peoples paths upon this world the general aspect of their own creation... and my own past... every moment of my existance... but i wasn’t in my body... it was like i was watching it from the eyes of my friends around me guiding me through my years... Each of them....

i was standing in a white empty vast area and an old man walked up to me and spoke softly ... he said "you’ve a choice now... to be set free of your own demons you’ve created ot continue letting yourself being haunted by your own self created demolishment... You created this... You choose this path knowing one day someone would give you the answers you saught to find yourself once and forall. Go home or stay with your faimily and freinds your time on earth is done as far as i’m concerned... You’ve punished yourself enough... you’ve understood everything you needed to everything they’ve asked you to learn... Will you stay or not." And time passed for what seemed like millenia while i debated this question looking at the posibilities of my friends and the choices they would make without me to guide them as i’d always done before... I chose to come back... I was free... to go home... back to my own realm... And continue where i’d left off... where i leave off every night when i leave this body...
some of you might not understand... why you would not take that single chance tor eturn to the world you understood... the world you helped create and build that everything is understood and enjoyed... But I realized something in that defining moment... seeing my friends make the concious decisions that would ultimately loose themselves over their own lack of insight... They needed me more than I needed to be here...

I awoke... upside down in my car disorented took me a few seconds to get my baring... my cell phone started vibrating and it was my fiance asking to know how i was... through msn on mobile. and the shock of it all was spinning my mind lost in that moment as the sum of causality and everything within my past was to be caught up within my life within the next defnining moments ... stared at my car going The hell with this... this thing catches fire i’ve got things in here i can’t repalce... unbuckled my seat belt which... rather dropped my on my shoulders... the few inches... and crawled out my back window... ( was driving an 03 honda civic ex) first thing i did was try and call the police but there really wasn’t any phone service... again... there’s where the random casuality hits... i’m crawling out of my car... and one of the truckers watches me stand up on my bdu jacket brush myself off and grim at him first words out of his mouth. "you’re lucky to be alive much less standing." blood running down my nose i brushed my self off checked my rotation of my arms and legs and shrugged at him. said "ehh i’ve survived worse... They won’t let me die yet anyway..." he told me it had been about five mins from when i’d flipped over and it had taken him that long to pull his truck up and drive up and get out... by the time he’d done that i was already crawled out... and walking about

My mind on the other hand... was still there... being bounced around this aspect of my own past i’d just stare off into space randomly and time stoped existing to me for long periods of time i was physicly there but... It took me two weeks to pull my mind back togeather and confront the old issues of my past...
this went on for about a week.. growing shorter... now for those of you who don’t know... the soul is cromised of energy... to heal the body one has the channel that energy and force it fromt he soul back into the body... it drains... ones life force... it took Five people close to me to recenter my energy, chakras and realign my body back with my mind... each with diffrent knowledge of my past... each who knew me at key specific points in my life that i needed to remember... i drained my oldest friend within seconds of touching his arm 16 hours later... i’d used everything left in me to come back to them...

now ther were plent yof long discussions in between of all mannors of sorts of conversations...

but for once... i was doing something i havn’t truely done in ages... Listened... not just to my own self or the people around me... but the essence of life itself... that salla spect of creative spark of existance that IS conciousness. I saw how i’d let my mind completely unravel... the choices i’d made to sacrifice myself... for those around me and the for the first while i was stuck upon the menal aspects of my own actions and the immediate result of figuring out what the hell to do... but as i calmed... and my last friend got a hold of me after the rental car was figured out and all the insanity died down... i found a calm... like i’ve never experanced before... everyone who see’s my aura and is around me can feel it now... i don’t even have to say anything but the peoplea round me simply calm down...
this is just one of the many changes... i’ve found sence this happened...

*chuckles* i am as should have been... as once was a child with all the knowledge of magic and energy i gained... but the memories of influence. infact i’ve come to know in ways of influence and by understanding.... through the completeness of my actions... a very lesson once thought i would never learn *chuckles* but in doing so.. i am no longer bound... in the way most are... this time... I see the world in ways of forgotten defilement... the aspect of its death and own self destruction upon its own demise...

I can bring back the scars of my body at will... i can start to physicly change... my body at will.... and i have done it infront of one other... I don’t care to give proof... quite honestly... i don’t give a damn and never did to satisfy ones own ego or curosity... i’m not telling this to boast about abilities... power is an illusion so is the aspect of of the mind... as is the intention of self created emotion upon which the mind draws and seeks its dominance or submission into the will of which we set forth...

And yet... here i sit... i breath... i walk... and i choose to be more than what most will everbecome...

I refuse to let qualities escape me of which this world has forgotten...

I am Vandon Hitsatuma

Given your words and your claims, you haven’t changed. Perhaps who you are now has...to become exactly as you were...which is little to be proud of. Oh, and just so we’re clear, there is no forgiveness for you...some people *should* fear the reaper. She cometh for everyone eventually, and she has a long memory.

That was the councils edict... and simpel rule... of my return home... And to do so it would ahve to be not of my doing but of an accident... And *chuckles* no... I’ve always carried this defined rage... that cuts a knifes edge... and likes to destroy the red tape... ad do things my way... I no longer have the desire for that...

And yet i came back with certian wisdoms of my past that let me understand my own actions and the influences... that i may be more cautious... the point being that i did change... because i wanted to... many speak of magic as if its form and will does not take posession of route and direction... Magic is wild and unpredictable unless you know every faucet of life that it can run through...

I am still an old warrior... who never cared for the violent life... and always daught to be the peaceful ways and i finnaly obtained my peacefulness... I still know how to be voilint and god help the person that wants to flip the switch... if i let them... but in all it is our choices... simply put i touched my own akashic records...what i choose to be now... is of my own free will...

Vandon Hitsatuma wrote:
That was the councils edict... and simpel rule... of my return home... And to do so it would ahve to be not of my doing but of an accident... And *chuckles* no... I’ve always carried this defined rage... that cuts a knifes edge... and likes to destroy the red tape... ad do things my way... I no longer have the desire for that...



And yet i came back with certian wisdoms of my past that let me understand my own actions and the influences... that i may be more cautious... the point being that i did change... because i wanted to... many speak of magic as if its form and will does not take posession of route and direction... Magic is wild and unpredictable unless you know every faucet of life that it can run through...



I am still an old warrior... who never cared for the violent life... and always daught to be the peaceful ways and i finnaly obtained my peacefulness... I still know how to be voilint and god help the person that wants to flip the switch... if i let them... but in all it is our choices... simply put i touched my own akashic records...what i choose to be now... is of my own free will...

You really haven’t seemed to change. You still talk the same way, acting like you are higher and better than everyone else and more mystical and mysterious and magickal than anyone else in existence. You still talk like you are this great power to be afraid of.

You still act as if you are a teacher to everyone, when in reality you’re just... a crazy cat demon dude.

The fact that you wrote this in a forum, instead of your blog, just shows you as an attention-seeking little whiner. Guess what? I’ve had NDE’s too, and lots of people hallucinate when their brain thinks it’s about to snuff it. Perfectly normal, no metaphysical experience required.

Shaken human syndrome?

THat is quite the story indeed, but that doesn’t mean u have higher power

*sighs* Once again... i’ll point that most of you don’t know me... and espially the ones that did post know me least of all... Funny how you can post about your own beliefs and ideas enlightment and people will attack the idea of obtaining knowledge rather than acknowledge or try to understand the aspects of the experance... and yet... sound arrogant and egotistical... and yet... be completely wrong...

ITs never about ego... with me... You assume that out of your own life style and beleifs... IF it was about me i’d have a lot more detail... Frankly i don’t care to go into detail with the connections i’ve made... cause the knowledge IS dangerious...
And quite frankly i’ve only seen a handful of you that could and possibly might understand the facuets of understanding i’ve reached. OOOOOO Van’s touched something I don’t belive oooo lets attack and make him seem completely outlandish by punching at it... :cackles: and certian people call me egotistical...

You wanna call that egotistical by all means... I made an oath before most of you existed to protect others... and so did my bloodline... here’s why i call Ego... attacking someone and calling them a lier because you can’t see beyond your own damn life...

I never and will be here on this forum for anyone who wants to whine piss or poke holes through the aspect of the evolution of ones beliefs. only about sharing the posibilities that lead to the overal understanding of what CAN BE benifital in any aspect of spirtuality to help and guide another... instead... I get a bunch of whiny highschools attacking every comment going "you havn’t changed cause of this this this... *shakes his head* amazing... simply amazing...

Half the crap... i’ve seen from SOME of you is spewed with nothing but hateful comments ment to put down others in their own aspects which IS NOT the entire point of this forum... And quite frankly I’m ashamed... i’m ashamed to even think that others in this world STILL havn’t realized just because someon SHARES an experance without reguards for themselves that one will ASSUME it has a damn thing to do with boasting or making some attention aspect...

huff: no wonder this world is stagnent... it no longer belives in possibility...
But you wern’t there... were you... you didn’t see it with your own eyes... so no doubt clouds your mind into beliving that it can’t exist...

bah... no wonder I stopped posting the certian few that were decent in aspect fell away because of the poision spread of doubt and lack of supporting ideas except to cruel judgement of those who won’t and evidently can’t understand that quite possibly there’s something bigger then themselves...

For someone who supposedly has a college degree...you sure can’t spell.

That is all.

Any attempt at an actual reply would be a waste of my time given how completely you believe your personal BS.

:raises a glass of rum To intelligent ramblings without grammer to PISS OFF those who only care about perfection!

Not pissed off, just amused that someone who claims to have such a degree can’t spell....that’s all...I don’t give a damn about perfection, but to claim to have your degree and fail to spell properly...that’s just funny.

Vandon I’m not saying anything bad about your beliefs but...err can you take it down a notch? I mean talking down to people isn’t something an enlightened individual should be doing eh? :/


however i can talk down to ppl! because im an asshole :D
Draken

Vandon my friend, it’s been quite a while since we had a decent discussion. Perhaps you just need to get away from people who set their own boundaries and don’t want to achieve more. Like the old saying goes, "Anyone who says the sky is the limit is setting a boundary for himself." You just need to not bother with all the incredulity, like you told me once, do what you have to do, and fuck whoever doesn’t like it. Simple as that.


P.S. I need to talk to you privately.

I’m feeling ornery, so, right off the bat, TL;DR (most of it, anyways).
I’m not sure why so much of the Otherkin community has this superiority complex.
If more than one person says you sound like you’re ’talking down’ to your peers, you are. Drop the ’noun-ier-er-than-thou’ bullshit and self reflect.
(Also, actually, skimming through the OP, you sound like a pretentious dick.)
Yes, I made myself look like an ass.
Yes, I am slightly tupsy.
Cheers, motherfuckers.

ehh... actully i did post it on my blog... i posted it there so only friends could read it and not on myspace... oddly enough the ones that KNOW me... didn’t see a single piece of egotistical aspects because... they know what i’m capable of... O.o; while those of doubt... and constant mischef... instantly starting attacking...

*smirks* for anyone witha bit of psycological backround i think you can put the pieces togeather for yourself about your own problems in your life...

I posted that specificly so certian others would see a reflection... of the man that was... NOT the man i am now... Now... i’ve said it before i’ll say it again... i only put my foot up other’s asses when they bend over for it... STOP bending over ... and stop making yourself bend over...


stop anyalizing with the skin surface reactions of your own beliefs and think beyond your perspectives... and take within soemthing that might be beyond yourselves... I’m not gonna trade insults... with folks that act like their in highschool trying to one up one another...

THAT is never and will enver be my intent...

If i post something its for a bit of self reflection... and reflection for others to grasp signifigance... Not for you to complicate by throwing your own judgements... but for you to throw your mind into that situation... and come out witha fresh new perspective...

if the only thing you came out with is... menial crap you wern’t paying attention to what was spoken... i was speaking spirtuality... and purely spirtuality...

Spirituality?
My dick.