Chapter 1

Welcome to My Life



She was born to two parents in a normal family or so she thought at the time. Her parents names’ were Carla and Ted Morgan. They were both 22. She was born on the 24th day of June in 1994. Everything was going well until two years after she was born. At that point her parent’s marriage had been burnt out and her father decided the marriage was unrepairable and he chose to end it. At four years old her father, Ted found a new love and he go remarried. Her name is Christina. Chrisina already had a daughter from another marriage, her name is Mollie, she was seven at the time of the wedding. At 5 years old her mother Carla found a new love and she got remarried. His name is John. John already had a daughter from another marriage. Her name is Brianne, she was eight at the time of the wedding.

Now she had two homes and two seperate families. Normalacy was stolen from her. For the restof her childhood and teenhood, she go back and forth between families. She would stay at her mom’s house Monday through Thursday and she would stay at her dad’s house on Friday until Sunday night. By her late childhood, this switching back and forth was like second nature to her.

She and her step-sister, Brianne were joined by a little brother on July 31, 2001. At that time the girl was 7 1/2. Her new little brother’s name was Cooper. At her dad’s house 8 months later step-mother had a little girl. Her name is Ellie. Ever since her little sister, Ellie was born, she adored her. At 131/2 she was blessed with another little sister. This time it was at her mom’s house. Her mother was 36 and was completely surprised when she was expecting a baby. The babies’ name is Kenzie.

Strangely, though there is is no real reasom why, she at times hated har family and wished she could abandon it. At other times she is sad that has a lack of compassion towards her family. She often would describe her social interactions with her family as "aweqward".

Her father was always the fun one but it had never been a close relationship where she felt she could share her feeling with him. She always felt she had to live up to his expectations. Her father is always close to perfect, is always very ambitious and does at least the best he can. Her father is a police officer who is very egotistical and has a mind set that he is right all the time.

Her mother is the serious one who rarely gave her applause. Her mother loved to be the victim or at least portrayed that way. She thrived on other peoples attention. Her mother would blame bad thing that happened to, on the man that left her. At time the girl felt alon and like nobody liked her partially because of her mother. She felt unaccepted by her mother so that followed her into other areas of her life. Her mother’s past with food also affected her. Her mother’s past with food is a scary thing for most people. Her mother was very overweight due to what is believed to be binge eating. Then her mother got a gastric bypass surgery and lost a lot of weight. That made the girl scared of what food could do to you.

As the girl began growing up and became more and more insecure with herself which becomes very self defeating. She felt she was supposed to be perfect.

After a few weeks of going through the drama of her parents finding out about her eating disorder, she was put into an outpatient eating disorder recovery program. The program was Monday through Friday, 7:30AM to 2:50PM. When she was in that program, she was not dedicated to recovery because of all the temptation of going home everyday and she basically was not in the right mind set to recover. About twice a week while she was still in the program, she would purge her dinner at home. When she would go home she would also exercise for hours while everyone else was asleep. She had barely made any progress in her recovery by the fifth week in the outpatient program.

After five weeks at the outpatient program, she was told she was going to go to a residential eating disorder program. That was on a Thursday and on the next Monday, she was sitting on a couch in a house for eating disorders.

Dear Body,

I have spent years,
obsessing over my looks.
Often I would be in tears,
because of how much it took.

If I was a pound more,
I would hit the floor.
If I was a pound less,
I would feel blessed.

I believe my body is flawed,
one day I will learn to applaud.

She is me. Through all of this long struggle with myself I have discovered a lot of things about who I am. I really don’t want to be in recovery right now, but oh well. This is where I am.