Hey everyone, I just wanted to encourage you to post your stories on here if you have not already done so. Unfortunantly we all have this horrible thing in common I just want you all to know that I am here for any of you if you want to talk in the group or personal messaging. I have been doing alot of research looking for poems making memorial pictures, If any of you want me to make you a memorial picture with your childs name in it or anything just let me know, I have made some of my own if you check out my profile you will see a few different ones. Anyways, I hope you all are well Bless you and have a nice weekend. Tina

Also...If any of you want I would like to make the picture section to remember our loved ones. I am not sure if you can post your pictures or If i have to (does not have to be a real picture) can be just there name if you like. let me know Tina

would you be able to do the name/picture thing for me please?

Good Morning!

I have been wanting to post my story for a longtime now. I am a 30 year old mom who lives in Oregon. I have an amazing 8 year old daughter. I had her during a really down and out period in my life, but she made me get my head on straight. Although raising her as a single mom i never questioned she was my gift, my blessing. When I got married I planned on having more kids, easy right?

I had a miscarriage during my first marriage. My husband was my first anything, and I did the whole birth control starting like 2 months before the wedding everything like book work. Anywayz my husband was really physically and emotionally abusive so when i had a miscarriage it was heartbreaking but not surprising.

In my second marriage I had 3 miscarriage’s. Well 3 that i keep real track of. With each miscarriage I greived differently I ignored it or dealt with it, it depended. We tried for a year with each pregnancy. I read books, talked to doctors, did ovulation tests, took my temp. EVERYTHING... I figuered out how 2 get pregnant but then the torture began. Somehow when I wasn’t trying when i’d miscarry I’d just pretend I didn’t.

A few times I would look on line and find these support groups and just read the stories. This would help because I’d realize I wasn’t alone and I wouldn’t feel like as much as a failure. This was the one thing as a woman I was supposed to be able and meant to do.

Meanwhile my younger sister had 2 pregnancies at a young age, that at the time she was extremly upset and distraught over. My cousin also had was having her 3rd child during a less then ideal time. I held up my chin and supported them through the shower’s and births and rejoiced as an aunt but being older then both of them and married I began my decent into bitterness. There I stayed, for a long while.

I found an awesome doctor and she started doing all this testing. She gave me hope. I had just been repeatedly brushed off, like it was no big deal and supposed to happen. "Just go home, take tylenol and put your feet up" i’d be told. I felt hopeless, drinking seemed to help.

The testing just brought us to dead ends. I was told I had low progesterone so i’d find out I was pregnant starting taking progesterone and vitamin supplements and it was off to get blood test every other day. As the numbers would rise my heart would soar, and then i’d get the call... The last serum quantum number had gone down. I’d have no signs but sure enough a day or two later I would start to bleed and it would be over. During all this I was work with teenagers as a case manager in the juvenile system, and in gang prevention. Most miscarriage times I might take a day off, more then likely no time, I was numb. I did not allow myself to be what I thought was weak.

With each pregnancy I got farther along. Then some embryo’s were sent for testing, but still no answer as to why. This is when emotionally the hormonal ups and downs really hit me hard, and the weight fluctuations. I started having anxiety and panic attacks. Sometimes when I was driving I just wanted to drive my daughter and I off a cliff. I’d pull over on the side of the road and shake and cry. I’d struggle to hear the faint voice of reason and I’d listen, I had to for my daughter. Here I had my precious daughter and yet the pain from the miscarriages overpowered any joy. My second marriage fell apart. I couldn’t be there for him, I was broken, I didn’t care. I was like a robot, I had to keep my job and function for my daughter. That’s all I could do. Sex was no longer about love, it was about babies and it made me sick, I shut myself off completely when it came to my husband.

Meanwhile my cousin had re-married and I remember the day she called. She was so quiet and she started with " I didn’t want to tell you..." She was pregnant with her 4th. I had gotten to the point where I could no longer go to church. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs everytime I saw someone pregnant or a baby.

I moved on, just me and my daughter. The minivan full of kids wasn’t a dream I could have. So I got a mustang and had a year of life that was safe and minimal. Same thing everyday, work, and my daughter her school stuff, her life. I hermitted myself.

Unexpectedly I met a man. Yes another man, which was the last thing on my mind, or I needed. He was young, no kids, no ex-wives. I had had 2 ex-husbands, and 9 miscarriages. I was not looking for a relationship. My daughter’s dad is not in her life so I had no expectations of a father.

I got pregnant!!!!

Not a year, 6 months or 4 weeks later but the first time. How was that even possible. I assured him I would have a miscarriage. It was certain, history, the odds everything supported my prediction. Soon days, weeks, months passed and we were fine. My son was born July 2nd, 2007 weighing 8 pounds 2 ounces! A MIRACLE!!!! His father was by my side through everything, he keep his word.

In November we got married:-)

January 1st I was hospitalized in agonizing horrid pain. I had been told for years my kidney’s were bad, my gall bladder but I shouldn’t be in that much pain. It was an infection, take antibiotics, it would pass. Finally a doctor gave me a catscan, and it was my appendix. My appendix wasn’t bulging, it had died. My stomach was full of gangreen and dead tissue!!!!! The doctor said they had only seen 70 year old men who never go to the doctor and walk around in agony with such a thing. EW!!!!!!!!

In February I found out I was pregnant.

How was that possible? I hadn’t even had a period. I mean I knew it was possible but not for me and again 1 time. And so I was happy. There wasn’t this all encompassing black hole of fear gripping me.

My daughter is due to arrive October 2008!!!! My family is complete! If you would have asked me 2 years ago if this was going to be my life today, I would have sneered at you. There was no possibility in my mind.

Now I live in Oregon, where my cousin and sister live also. All 8 soon to be 9 of our children get to grow up together. Everything has happened so fast now i’m just trying to let my brain catch up and accept yep this is really my life...

I am truely blessed... And so my heart melts and I can feel again...

Wow Rox...That’s an amazing story the pain you have gone through and look at where you are today. I am so happy for you and congrats on the new one to come. It sounds like your life is finally going the way you have always dreamed, so sorry of all your losses and so sorry you had to go through what you have to get to this place in your life where you feel blessed and happy. You are definitely an inspiration. I have lost 3 babies my first in 02 then I had Breanna in 06 "My Miracle" I lost Jordan in 07, and lost this last one just a couple weeks ago. It’s really difficult to go through this as you already know. But it is also touching to hear good endings to stories like yours. Sadly not everyone gets a good ending. from the stories I have heard and still hear. I am glad for you and your family and yes you are blessed. I am truly sorry for everything and all your losses that you have had to go through. It must have been unbearable I have had three and I don’t think I could do it again. Keep in touch If you would like to post your story on the website Let me know its

www.unbornangels.com
under Angel baby Stories

Lots of Hugs and love from one Angel mommy to another
Tina@unbornangels.com

i would like to post it on the website but couldn’t figure it out.

i feel relieved to share but it opens up the stuff i shoved away in order to survive.

Rox, I would have to copy and paste your story and ad it to the website if you want me to do that I would be more then happy to just give me the ok :) Much love and hugs Tina

that is fine...

THANK YOU!!!!

XOXO
rox

hi everyone im danielle im 18 i have a 20 month old son .i had my youngest raiden when i was six month pregnant i went in to labor so early because i had placenta abrubtion .it was about 3:30 am when i started bleeding i had my x boyfriend call 911 i was rushed to the hospital when i got to the hospital the nurses told me i was 10 cm dilated and that i had to deliver my son he was born at 3:57 am they immediately rushed him to nicu i thought he was doing good because i heard him try to cry when he was born but i was wrong .the doctor came in my room and basically told me not to keep my hopes up he said that raiden had less than a 50% chance of making it and if he made it passed the first week his chances of living would be 70-80% .he made it passed the 1st day with less problems then the doctors expected but when he was 3 days old thing got worse the doctors had found out that his heart was pumping like he was still in the womb so they asked for my consent to give him an experimental drug i knew if they were asking me this there was nothing else they could do so i said yes .it was working he seemed to be getting better than a couple of days later they told me he had bleeding in the brain , and he had 2 holes in his heart they said they would give him a medicine that would possibly close the hole in his heart ..but it didn’t work when he was 2 weeks old the doctor called me and told me he had be having seizers and that he might be epileptic and that they needed him transferred to a better hospital so that he could get surgery on his heart to close the holes.so i agree to have him transfer when i got to the other hospital his doctor told me he was resuscitated 3 time in the flight over there and that he might have multiple organ failure i demanded to see my son that moment when i got in to his room and saw him i cried so hard because i could tell be looking at him that he was in pain his whole body was swollen beyond belief his skin was starched to the max and he was yellow .i didn’t know what to think then he had coded right there in front of me they resuscitated him again he didn’t;t have any other problems that day .i decided that i would be most comfortable being at the hospital with him but the doctors told me i couldn’t sleep in his room so i slept on the waiting room floor hoping i would wake up to hear that my son was better but when i woke up the doctors told me his interstates never worked and that he might be suffering from kidney failure and if that was the case there was nothing else they could do for him.that day they did an ultrasound of his kidneys and they had failed so i asked if he was in pain or if he was suffering they told me he probibally was so i had to make the hardest decision of my life i told the doctors not to let him suffer any more take him off the machines so they did and i got to hold him for the first time he fought the hole time he held me finger and then i looked at him lying there i my arms he had a little smile on his face then i saw him take his last breathe and i broke down i felt like i died with him and like i would never be able to be happy again Rest In Peace Raiden Saint Lee Taylor June 30, 2008-July 16 , 2008 your always in my heart i love you