I only went in to buy a bar of chocolate that was the size of a door. Plain,not nutty....and when I went to pay for it, there she was....Shelly on check-out five. She had the biggest hoop earrings I have ever seen on a girl. The way she handled my chocolate I could tell she felt something for me.....she blushed as she said £1.99....she tried to avoid eye contact. I didn't.
I asked was she here on Saturdays....she was!!!. I will be buying a lot more chocolate this Saturday. Buying chocolate the size of a door from Shelly on check-out five....tell me,does life really get any better than this. She has a ring on every finger. One of her rings is a skull and crossbones. Dangerous.
I may ask her out....dinner on Friday night. Prawn cocktail followed by Steak and chips....dessert.....`Black Forest Gateux`. If she requires a side salad,then a side salad she shall have. Thinking about it......every time I gave her my bar to scan,I think she gave it a little squeeze.....only a little one mind.
Can true love really be found at Woolworths on the Kilburn High Road on a Saturday morning in May.


Shelly on Check-out five. A vision in red and white nylon stripes.

It happens all the time. The anticipation of the imminent sugar rush is often enough to drive the average bloke a bit mad.

Women, on the other hand, would never be vulnerable to such a situation, given their high tolerance for anticipation and sugar rushes.

Hi there Special K....

I don't need to tell someone like you what day it is today....begins with S.....Shellyday.

It's early here in London, and I'm going to treat myself to one hour bath [with a smattering of rose petals floating in the bath], before going down to Woolworths to see my beloved Shelly on check-out five. What is it about Shelly that tickles my very pickles.....I admit, she isn't the best looking girl in the world, she has slightly wonky eyes...you can never tell whether she is looking at you or Tracey in check-out six.

But I've fallen in love with this gal....this check-out gal....this Shelly.

I will of course keep everyone here up to date with how it goes today, I really do think myself and Shelly were made for each other, I can see it in her eyes, even the funny one. Her sister works there as well, Dawn slightly smaller, slightly rounder, slightly touched from what I've seen. [Always dipping into the pick `n mix.....sticky hands]

I hope my Shelly has sticky hands [titter].....[that was me being funny by the way].

It's funny where love can be found these days.....Woolworths.....as if !!!!!!

I first noticed Shelly on all fours as she was trying to claw back some toy from under it's stand, she really had to stretch to get it....it was truely a sight to behold. I think her manager fancies her, [the swine].....Shelly only has eyes [wonky one and all] for me.

I'm in love with the girl from Kilburn High Street and there's nothing you can do about it....

She really really is my favourite.....truely she is.

[aura]

This is sweet. (Pun, absolutely, intended!)

Do keep us posted! =)

They have moved my Shelly to check-out 9......

Only the most important check-out girls gets check-out 9

My Shelly is special, she gets £6 an hour and all the jelly sweets she can get in her gob.....[God what a beautiful gob].I winked at her from the birthday card section].She smiled back, I believe she had a mouth full of jellies when she smiled at me.Jellies become her.
A date has been set for the dinner!!!!!!.can't wait, although she wants to bring her mother with us...hhhmmmmm....this could cost a bit, thinking about it, I wonder if we could drop off her mother at the local park, hope so.She likes parks.Sleeps there in the summer sometimes so I'm told.Rumours.The mother `is known around town`.
Hope Shelly doesn't turn out like her mother....not my Shelly...shop-girl Shell.
I'm going to tale her to Bonana Burgers on Friday night.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!

I'm sure Shelley and her mom will be completely swept off their feet by dining with you at Bonana Burger. Your plan seems fail-proof.

Hi there Special K.....

One I hope to take you to Bonana Burgers for `the time of your life`......truely I do!!!!!!.....I'd get you `extra large` fries, a milkshake that would make your very mind spin with delight, and a burger so big you could use it as a pillow at night.

I like you Special K.....and if it wasn't for Shelly, I'd would be over there in Noo Yawk to whisk you off your feet and straight into a `posh` burger restaurant for a slap-up meal for two with extra fries for both of us......

Anyway, enough of you, more on Shell.....

....don't laugh, but one day I think she could become manager of the Woolworths that she works for.....really.....I think she will live the dream.

I want to run naked at midnight through a pine forest in Norway with her, [she would be naked too I think, no mom with us hopefully !!!!!].....a stag or deer would be startled, Shelly wouldn't be.....she would stare at the full moon while I got out the cheese and ham rolls.....

GOD!!!!.... TO EAT HAM AND CHEESE ROLLS AT MIDNIGHT IN A WET DAMP FORSET IN NORWAY, NAKED WITH SHELLY AT MY SIDE.....I CAN DREAM CAN'T I.....

Oh Shelly.....you temptress.....on check-out 9.....you pass items through the bar-coding system like a midwife up to her teeth in baby-goo.....

The very name Shelly, whenever I hear it.....I want to burst into song and shout her name from the rooftops of a high-rise estate in Haringay in North London...

So, shes a bit plump.....extra to get hold of in the middle of the night!!!!!!, she can't keep her hands out of the pick 'n mix sweet counter....why oh why do they put temptation in front of these girls....of course they are going to have a fizzy cola-bottle if they can.....a chocolate mouse here.....a shebert dip-dab there....

Love you Shelly.....love your tummy......a chummy tummmy.

She can get a 10% discount if anyone is desperate!!!!!!!!

I'd never laugh at your dreams.

My dream has always been to be fed a hot fudge sundae (extra hot fudge, light on the whipped cream) by a Buddhist monk whilst watching William Shatner perform a one-man show of Eugene O'Neill's most famous monologues just for me.

So, really, we all have dreams we cling to (some more tightly than others). Mocking your dream would be akin to slaughtering my own.

Special K.....are you really 82, or are you just saying that to be hip and trendy?

Bonana Burgers awaits myself and the gorgeous Shelly tomorrow night, whatever burger she wants, ....my Shelly gets, I'm that sort of guy.Really I'am. Here's a little more that I've noticed about Shelly since becoming a Woolworths devotee....

1; She always wears sensible shoes, and in my mind that make her aware that she is a woman who puts her customers first, it says to her customers....`look at me, I'am a woman who wears sensible shoes....I can be trusted not to short-change you`.

I like that in a woman.....a woman that won't short-change you.

2; She has `come to bed eyes`....like I mentioned earlier, one eye tends to be looking elsewhere at times, she smiles with her eyes, her eyes follow you around the store, gazing at you, you are always in her sight.

3; Shelly's belly....she is plump in very much a warm and comforting way, you could use her belly as a pillow at night, you could really toss and turn on it, and I also truely believe she has child-bearing hips.....imagine all the little Shellys we could squeeze out onto the Woolworths shop floor.....a sight for sore eyes, truely.

4; Her make-up.....a touch on the heavy side.....and that's just at work.....[shudder].....I like it though.....[more shudder].....wonder how much she will slap on for Bonana....[gulp]....no part of the skin on her face is left untouched. Baby pink lipstick.....I can live with that, of course I can.....the lime green eye-shadow is my problem.....curse you eyes Lily Allen.....[her heroine].....why oh why does her heroine have to be the London Chav Queen of 2007.....

5; The giggles.....she laughs in a way that no other woman on earth laughs I'm sure.....it's hard to put into to words really.....not so much of a laugh, more of an excitable, yet nervous cackle, when she laughs people stop dead in their tracks and stare.....


There could be a lot of cackling at Bonana tomorrow.....

....and if I play my whatsits right, I may get to grips with her child-bearing hips.

Sweet Mercy from above.......

Oh, I'm quite positive you'll get to grips with those hips. And those lips. And maybe even some whips. I don't even think you have to play your whatsits all that right. I think a few left whatsits or wrong whatsits might stimulate Shelly and her belly to quite a lengthy extent.

The only person I feel sorry for is whomever will be your server at Bonana Burger tomorrow eve. (S)he is the one to whom mercy ought to be shown.

Excuse me Little Miss K who lives in Noo Yawk.....

But I'am one of the chefs at Bonana Burgers on the Kilburn High Road, that's why I'm taking my beloved Shelly there....I know what it takes to make a Bonana burger go wwwwwwooooooooaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh......

It's my night off....however Dirty Barry from Paddington will be head chef for the night, Sweet K, there is nothing you could teach Bazza about the srt of burger-flipping, really there isn't.....what he puts into those burgers to make extra-special.
I have the best table in the house reserved for myself and Shell, and I have asked Melaine [my manager], to play some Celine Dion and Michael Bolton all night long......

....at the end of this long night, we both will be dizzy with delight!!!!!!

Oh Special K, did you ever think in all your wildest dreams that true love could be found on the streets of Kilburn in North West London......I thought this sort of thing only happened in Hollywood movies, now it happens not that far from Cricklewood!!!!!!

After tomorrow night nothing will be the same........

I used to live in Kilburn. In a flat three stories and a novel up overlooking McGovens where they used to queue for their pay cheques every friday night and spend it where they stood in their soggy boots, spilling themselves out of there at whenever and spilling the rest through my letter box.
You may have served me something foul at past sensibilites in your food shop but then it was a while ago. I'm sure Shelley will love your fare but then Winalot might suffice at a pinch. This is wonderful and I have laughed aloud. Carry on please.

sigh...

I only meant that first dates are often hard on waiters and waitresses, especially when the couple is enamored of each other. It takes forever for them to order, there's much giggling and innuendo and double entendre...

my, my aren't we a tad bit sensitive?

Here I am, being supportive, showing an interest, and there you are, being difficult.

phfft

feh

CHRIST ON A BIKE........THE IRISH !!!!!!

DON'T TALK ABOUT THE IRISH !!!!!!!!

WOAH.......THE IRISH......OF KILBURN......OF A FRIDAY NIGHT......

A BREED AMONG THEMSELVES......THE IRISH......FROM IRELAND.....

THE IRISH ARE TO KILBURN WHAT THE TAILBAN ARE TO KABUL.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kilburn High Road is alive Ruby.....alive I tell you, mainly with lice, however.....

Kilburn will be the place to be tonight, I'm a-shake, a-rattling and a-rolling....

Bonana Burgers.....centre of the known universe.Truth.

No cous cous on pitta for me tonight.....we are going the whole hog.

When Shelly take a bite out of her ultimate mega triple filled flame-thrilled Bowzano Burger....that woman won't know whats hit her. It will knock her `bandy`. We may well pop into McGoverns, the well-known Irish drinking house, I wil of course check that Shelly has life insurance and that her policy has not run out and if she has medical cover....`everyones a winner`!!!!!!!!

I asked her to sneak out a rather large bag of `pick `n mix` sweets for the bus journey home......`would I like a coffee......er.....is the Pope a German?????

Wish me luck....I'm going in, and I may be some time......

Let's hope Shelly isn't of Irish descent. For her sake. As well as yours.

Perhaps you ought not take her to McGovern's after your decadent, dreamy dinner. Perhaps that bag of pick 'n mix is better sampled in your flat, where you can suck the sesame seeds out of her teeth to your heart's delight while she gently licks the oil and salt from your fries off your fingers.

Finding love in Woolworth's is almost as impossible as finding a television repairperson who can fix your telly right there in your home where you can watch what they're doing while they're bending over, revealing their ass crack to you (as if it was all an innocent mistake).

I envy you, mate. Try not to shoot your wad right there at the table after you watch the path made down her chin by that glistening burger juice after she takes that first bite.

Ahhhh, Special K.....you do paint the prettiest of pictures, my dear.

To live in your world !!!!!!

Guess where I'm at the moment.....guess....guess.....no....wrong....wrong.....guess again.....shall I tell you my little Mexican internet lovers.....`Cloud Nine` !!!!!!!!

.......`Oh, what a night, late December back in `63, what a very special time for me, when I remember what a night........`

I remember a time when I thought all women should look like Daryl Hannah, no longer though, if all women looked like my Shelly, I really do feel the world would be a different place, it would be warmer, safer and altogether more loving place to be.

I will be the first to admit that her high heels were a mistake, however her `brand new` red and pink Nike tracksuit, [£49.99 from JJB Sports] made her a real head-turner last night. Believe. She was, for want of a better word....an absolute corker, and I don't say that about every woman, truely I don't.....

Question: How many women, apart from your mother, can you say, hand on heart, are `absolute corkers`.........none, hardly any I bet.

Bonana Burgers was only a quarter full last night, `but the lights were lowwwwwwwww.........`, there was a problem with the c.d. player, however Melanie did put on the radio for us....L.B.C. 97.4FM....it was mainly news reports, traffic updates and weather forecasts, but it put us both in the mood for luvreeeeee.

Yes, we did have the best seat in the house, by the window.....no lady of mine will have her burger by the fire exit......`NO WAY`!!!!!!

First surprise of the night, Shelly only turns out to be a Hindu !!!!!!!![you do the maths], her family converted back in the early nineties, so any beef beefburger was a no-no....`you think you know a gal`, she kept that one quiet, the green mascara wearing minx.....[laughs]

A pleasent evening was had by one and all, Melanie insisted the the desserts were on the house, Shelly had the Bonana Banana Bonanza, which is two bananas, strawberry ice cream, glace cherries, chopped nuts, fresh cream, little sprinkly sugary things, a couple of wafters, a hand full of jelly sweets adorned the side of the plate and there was a small flag of England stuck in one of the bananas to make it look pretty.....

Shall I tell you something funny....don't laugh.....walking up the Kilburn high road afterwards, Shelly turned to me and said, `if you pretend I'm Princess Leia, I'll pretend you are Luke Skywalker.....`, she wasn't joking either. We walked to the bus stop making lightsabre noises.....how we laughed.

Shelly had to be back home early as she was working today.....I was hoping to unlock her Death Star and discover it's secrets, however her mum was waiting up for her, and Hindus being Hindus......an overnight stay was a big no-no.

Guilty Secret of the night......walking back to my place, I had a sneaky kebab roll.....

[Don't tell Shelly][laughs to myself]

Why can't every woman be Shelly????