For everyone and anyone who has been a server at some point in their life. Read it and laugh. Because we all feel this pain. ALL THE TIME!!!

You know you’re a server when.....

1. You know that "in the weeds" is NOT a camping term.
2. You cant decide who you hate more: kids, old people, teenagers, foreigners, or Canadians.
3. You’re pissed if you got a $10 tip on a $60 check.
4. You can figure out 20% like nobodys business.
5. You heavily debate putting on a gratuity for a big party. And may call in a second opinion to evaluate the table.
6. You’re familiar with the signature cocktail: water with lemon.
7. You don’t have any idea what the special is and could care less.
8. When you go out to eat, you over analyze everything your server does. And even if they fuck up you still tip at least 20%.
9. You hang out at the server table.
10. You know about all your co-workers sex lives and drug habits. And you participate in one or the other; or both!
11. You know what the most dreaded side work is and how to avoid getting stuck with it.
12. Same goes for the death section.
13. You understand the importance of booths.
14. You know that an over cooked steak is the worst re-cook ever.
15. You want to kill the kitchen when they have 30 minute ticket times.
16. You will take the long way around just to avoid your table.
17. You hate making desserts.
18. You get weeded waiting forever for the bar to pour you a freakin beer.
19. You live out of your car.
20. You always have cash on you, yet you’re always broke.
21. Your cash is usually still in your book days after you worked.
22. You know who sells the good drugs.
23. You never know what happened to the wine key.
24. You become a nocturnal creature.
25. Everybody on a Sunday AM shift has a hangover.
26. The busser is never around when you need him.
27. Getting cut does not equal getting out.
28. You need a manager card to wipe your ass!
29. A fuck up is always appreciated by the starving servers...
30. And you’re all like a bunch of vultures when it happens!
31. When in doubt-you go with medium.
32. You use the term 86 in regular conversation. Yet you have no idea where it came from.

And if you haven’t seen this next section before, you need to pass it along.


For all of you who DON’T wait tables!!!
If you go out to eat, or plan to EVER again... READ THIS!


HOW TO TIP

easy tip: take 10% of the total price of the ticket and then double it.
$50.00 tab = $5.00 x 2 = $10.00 would be an alright tip.

The next time you’re out eating at a resturant, look at your server. Do you think they are really happy to be doing that job? The answer is no, they are not, but it’s what we do, and we do it for the money so please help them out. Its a tougher job than you think and you should pay them accordingly!

There are SO many people out there flooding the restaurants w/o any knowledge of how to tip. Here is a short guide for the general public to follow. Feel free to print out and store in your wallet and/or purse.

1. CHILDREN "THE LITTLE DEVILS":
If you have children, DO NOT let them, open and dump anything on the table (ie; salt, sugar, etc). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD’S mess & to restock the now unusable wasted items. We are neither their babysitter nor their parent. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work. Also make sure you control your kids and don’t let them scream or run around the restraunt. It’s very distracting and rude to others eating, not to mention dangerous if they get ran over by a server with hot food in their hands.

2. "THE CAMPERS":
If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its an extra $3 every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can’t seat it, we don’t make money. Not to mention, if you are our last table we have to wait for you to leave before we can leave.

3. COMPLIMENTS:
Telling a server they are the best server they’ve ever had is not a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We cant pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don’t appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave 10% it’s an insult.

4. THE SALVATION PAMPHLETS:
Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlet is NOT a tip. It is insulting that you assume we are w/o religion and must save us. Again, like ..3, we can’t pay bills w/prayer cards. We’d go to church on Sundays if it wasn’t mandatory to work on Sundays because EVERYONE who goes to church follows it by eating out.

5. TIPPING:
It is not 1960. Cost of living has gone up dramatically since then. 18% is the MINIMUM amount of what you should be tipping your servers. Look at the first number of your bill. ie. if your bill is $30, double the 3 & you have a $6 tip. If the second number is more than 5 however, you must add a dollar. Remember, our companies pay us minimum wage (minumum wage for servers is $6.75 in CA, $3.13 in FL, $3.09 in IA, $2.13 in NJ, 2.65 in MI, 2.15 in OK, $2.13 in TX). And we are taxed on 10 percent of your meal automatically anyway. So if your meal is $100 and you leave $10 and we tip out $4-5 to the busser, bartender, and whoever else then we pay tax on 10 dollars and we make $5. It seems small but it adds up. How many times do you eat out per week and do this?

6. THE COMPLAINERS:
If you get a discount because your food was prepared wrong or something, do not take it out of our tip. We didn’t cook it. The cooks get paid hourly regardless if the food sucks. However, we only make what you give us.

7. THE FREE STUFF:
If you happen to get anything for free and you did not have a problem with your dining experience, most of the time it is because the server thinks you will realize that they are giving it to you for free. There should be extra tip thanking the server for the free item. They could get in a lot of trouble giving away free stuff. You should give them hazard pay for it.

8. THE LATE ONES:
If you come into the restraunt 10 mins before closing or any time near closing hurry up and order your food and get out. Closed means closed, not social hour. It is so rude to sit there and take your sweet ass time. We can’t leave until you leave because we have to do sidework and clean the table you are sitting at. We don’t want to stand there waiting for you for an extra hour just because you don’t want to go home. We recommend 24 hour establishments such as Dennys if you wish to sit into the wee hours of the night.

9. THE TABLE HOGGERS:
If you only come in for coffee or a dessert, to do paper work, or to have a meeting, don’t sit there taking up our booths for hours. We are not Starbucks or a hotel restraunt. If you want to sit for hours, go there or else you better leave a good tip for us and camping fee included.

10. THE GREET:
When we come up to the table to greet you and we ask how you are doing, please let us know. We honestly want to know how you are doing. And ask us how we are doing as well. It’s called manners. If you are in a bad mood we want to know that from the beginning. A confused stare or complete silence does not suffice as a reply to "How are you doing?". Also most of us are REQUIRED to say certain things during the greeting, so please don’t interrupt our greeting and say "I want coffee", "Can we get some bread?", or "What are the soups?" Just sit tight for a goddamn minute & let us talk. You’re not helping us out & saving us time by stopping our greet, you are pissing us off.

11. THOSE DAMN CELL PHONES:
Don’t ever talk on your cell phone in a restaurant. This is probably the rudest thing to do. If you must be on your cell, at least keep your voice down in respect for other customers. If you are on your cell phone when we walk up to greet your table we will walk away and not return until you get off your phone. Just show some respect and give us your attention for a couple of minutes.

12. THE PICKY PEOPLE:
When you’re taken to a table, sit there. There’s a reason you were taken to that table and it’s because that server is next on the rotation. If you prefer a certain table, section, window seat etc. specify that to the host/hostess BEFORE they walk you to your table!! Don’t wait till they get to the VERY back of the restaraunt then ask "can we have a booth?" "Can we sit by the window?" No! The reason you weren’t sat by the window or in a booth is most likely because the server by the window or the server with the booths just got sat and you will receive better service if you stay put. If you ask BEFOREHAND the hostess has time to sit you accordingly. They have time to find you a table where you will be happy to sit AND receive good service!

13. THE WAVERS:
If you wave at me or try to talk to me while I am talking to another table or have a huge tray in my hand, I WILL ignore you. We have other people besides you to take care of and unless we are standing still or hanging out by a computer, we are doing something. It is rude to think we will stop what we are doing for one table just to come help you. Let me put this heavy ass tray down in the middle of the dining room to find out you want more sauce. Do not grab me, or wave, or shake your glass, or call me ma’am or waiter or any other pet-name you want to call me because you were on your cell, or talking, or interrupted my initial greet where I told you my goddamn name!

i think everyone in the world needs to read this.awesome!!

You know you’re a Chilihead when...

~You can sing along to the gay songs that you don’t even listen to but magically know all the words...

**~Not being able to add gratuity to a table makes you sick when you see the party of 25 who dont speak english being sat in your section...

~You hate strawberry lemonades and flavored teas....

**~You cringe when someone orders cherry coke.

~You have eaten tortillas with butter and brown sugar... or french fries and ranch on a daily basis.

**~Getting ’cut’ is like winning the lottery...

~Spotting weird/strange tables is like a sport...

~Sundays are the worst day of the week...you run out of everything, no one tips, and its nothing but big parties coming from church.

**~You know that "when you get a chance" means "right now!"...

**~Someone has a nervous breakdown at least once a day.

~You hear "When the ice is empty GET MORE DAMNIT!!" on an hourly basis...same with chips and drink racks.

~You don’t want a table with kids, who have ’grillz’ or bling, who ask for a coke AND a water, who are over 50 or under 20...

~You hate monday night closing shifts because of the "choir group"

**~Youve heard the word chipolte pronounced at least 17 different ways and the word fajeetas makes you cringe.

**~You’ve been asked if we have baked potatoes hundreds of times per shift...

~You can carry 6 glasses, 2 bar drinks, and chips and salsa without a tray

~You avoid the ’ laptop lady’ like the plague...

**~You know that the Awesome Blossom will be called a Bloomin’ Onion every single time....and you know the calorie count on that thing is going to kill someone one day...

** ~"Taking out the trash" means a smoke break...

~You never offer coffee or dessert...its just not worth it...

**~You know which cook you want to cook YOUR food, and which one wont lay a hand on it.

~You are tired of people asking if they can have water with EXTRA lemons.

**~You’ve ever said "corner" or "behind you" while shopping at the store...

***********~You spend 50% of your tips at the local bar... because your job makes you drink...

~Your diet consists of ONLY any dead food you can find and chips and salsa.

**~You’re tired of people ordering quesadllias when they wanted fajitas....and arguing with you about it for 20 minutes beofre realizing that they are, in fact, a dumbass.

~When I say Turkey Sandwich you say...??


**~You tell your tables, "its going to be a few minutes on those bar drinks" when you mean to say, "You’ll probably get your food wayyy before you get that Long Island."

~You hate parties of 7...

~You’ve colored the pepper pals menu at least 10 times...and colored in at least 30 create-a-peppers.

~You wake up at 3am remembering you forgot to get your table a side of ranch...

***~ A dead Molten is DEVOURED in 15 seconds or less by at least 6 people.

This should be on every resturant door and menus, etc. Lastnight I wanted to quit.

wow, now i remember why i refused to get out of bed and go into work that day, havnt stepped foot in there since.....

Hahahaha!! The "you know you’re a chilihead when..." was friggen priceless... I can’t wait to print that out and bring it to work!

you also know you’re a chilihead when your wardrobe consists of jeans and black shirts.

You know your a BARTONSVILLE Chilihead if you ever heard ME Say


"WE SELL MORE THAN BURGERS HERE, The song goes CHILI’S BABY BACK RIBS"

True story.

HAHAHAHA I wrote this!!! lmao

i took my friends outback thing and switched some of the stuff to apply to chilis lol

i feel famous =)
B

Nice use of the term "Canadians".